Over the past two months I have had this intense desire and longing to disconnect. I felt as though I needed to distance myself from... well... friends, church, responsibilities (other than my home and family) and just about everything else. I have battled within myself wondering if this was "the right thing" or maybe circumstances could have been to blame? Circumstances weren't exactly blissful these past two months; my very dear friends followed the calling of God on their lives and moved to England (we know it was absolutely the right thing, but that didn't make the pain of separation disappear), an amazing man of God that we loved dearly lost his battle with cancer, my health (now 8 months and counting) continues to be an ongoing battle and a few other issues that for discretion sake need not be listed here. This is no tiny list... these would be a reasonable explanation for anyone feeling the need to "disconnect". Crazy as it sounds I actually asked myself these questions, "Am I getting depressed? I've never been depressed before, maybe this is how it feels." or "Is my health and meds actually making me become reclusive?" However, none of these seemed to satisfy my yearning for answers. So, I began to consider whether this was a spiritual tug of war. As I sought God's council on this, it was like a haze began clearing in the room. I was falling slowly into a snare that had been set out before for me, it was quite the set up too. I had taken my eyes off of my source, my guiding light and focused on the circumstances.
What is "the key" for fixing this? God was calling me back to Him... He was telling me to stop working so hard to find my own answers, to "Be Still" and let him cover me, strengthen me and encourage me. He was telling me to stop trying to figure this all this out... it is not mine to bear, it is His. If I am busy working to make my own way clear, I will miss out on His every time. So, I have taken a drastic approach... I have stopped everything (again, other than my personal responsibilities to my home and family). I am making a drastic effort to "Be Still", rest, take a "real" break, get well, allow him to minister to me, heal me, restore me and make me whole. Sounds all nice and spiritual doesn't it? Well, let me be the first to tell you... it hurts!! Clean cuts, even with the peace of God that what you are doing is right, are extremely painful! There will be withdrawals from some of the things that I have had to let go but I know it's the right thing.
Am I letting go forever? Of course not! When I am well, rested and more importantly when God gives me the peace to move forward out of this season, I will run not walk to whatever He has next for me!! I believe it will happen, I believe the calling on my life is sure, I believe God's will for my life will be fulfilled... but first I have to "Be Still" for a while.
How I love you, sweet Mer! God will honor your obedience and will absolutely be faithful in this season... and I can't wait to see the amazing, God-sized fruit that will come of it!! (((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing how throughout your challenges you have had over the past year that you continue to grow in the Lord so much! I admire your strength & courage & most of all your FAITH! Your obedience & faithfullness will be rewarded. :). Sounds like you are definitely in the right state of mind & on the right path. So happy & proud of you.
ReplyDeleteHow I love those words..."Be Still"...because they're always followed with " and KNOW I AM GOD". Your heart and sensitivity to God is humbling and moves my heart toward Him too. Thank you for your willingness and obedience and COURAGE...it is INSPIRING sweet Mer. How we love you and stand with you in this season. Bless you sweetie.
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Dearest sweet lady,You have such a beautiful family and such an inspiration to many.I have to tell you when we came to The Crossing and heard you sing,it had to be an angel and an angel you are to many.I'm sorry for the trials in your life because thats the person I am,cant stand to see people suffer,many times I have prayed Lord take the pain away from them and let me bear it.But then am I robbing you from yet another blessing from the Lord.In my life time there have many differcult times but knowing that my Lord is with me in every situation it always turned out to be blessings of a life lesson I needed to learn and what an awesome teacher He is.I want to tell you the song you sang Sunday had me short of walking next to the Lord in all His glory,you have a gift from Him that is so beautiful.I can relate to you reading,Im the same way,I love to read and very seldom have the time,There have been several books Im so glad I read and added meaning to my life and yet they werent written by Christan authors either,One very favorite was the series #1 Ladies Detective Agency in Africa,a sweet story that lifts your spirits with its innocence and beautifully desribes Africa as I could only imagine'Love you
ReplyDeleteSo true, as you said, sometimes with all the noise of the trials or victories we lose sight of the source. May your rest reveal His presence, love and faithfulness in new ways.I've been thru times of isolation before only to discover that no one is near me as He is. No one knows me as He does and still loves me. He loves us so much more than we'll ever know in this realm.Be still and rest but continue to seek Him in intimacy.He'll meet you there.
ReplyDeleteSIgh, I finally got to read the whole thing ;-) Thanks to me not being so A.D.D. this morning.
ReplyDeleteI love you Meredith. And I was so blessed to be able so share this last weekend with you guys. Derek and I are so incredibly blessed to have you in our lives!
Love you.